ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
send nudes
from the living room?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
