if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
