Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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