Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize