My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
