where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
