Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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