u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
