He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
