trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
