dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
