I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
