You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
