I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
