thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
barbara walters just said penis...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize