hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
