Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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