all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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