he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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