you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
