I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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