i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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