I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize