I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My vagina is very pro this idea
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
