Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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