I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
