i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize