So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
