I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
