You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
