Got a toothbrush?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
