If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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