Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
