singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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