the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
