Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize