I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
