Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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