"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
