last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
