once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
