But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
