I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
