I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
