Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
