She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
