If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
