So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
