At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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