After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
