Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
