Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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