My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
