I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize