Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
