She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
