Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
