hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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