You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
