I just made out with a guy for $7.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize