He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
