You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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