Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
