I just made out with a guy for $7.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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