you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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