i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
