i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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