Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
