Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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