Dude my mom stole all your condoms
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
