We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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