haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
